People Come Into Your Life As A Messenger or A Mirror / How To Make The Best Friends

I have had my fair share of toxic friendships. From a young age, I had friends who made me feel like a queen for the first few months and then later treated me poorly. At some point in my mid-teens, I asked myself, is it just me? I don’t want to really trust anyone too much.

By the mercy of God, all my doubts were dispelled. Based on all the research I did for the past two-three years, I realised three things.

Number one is that I found my worth. Many teenagers and young people feel the need to fit in because they desire validation. Still, this validation is unhealthy because you are seeking stability from teenagers who aren’t even stable themselves. You should never be seeking validation from anyone anyways because you have to do what makes you happy long term. Once you find yourself valuable, you won’t make yourself small to fit in. Knowing that I am worthy all the time regardless of the situation and always doing what makes me happy long-term helped with picking the right friends who knew my value.

Number two is that female friendships can be quite tricky. Based on evolution, men were hunters millions of years ago, and because they went hunting as a pack, their genes are wired to work together well in groups, and many men don’t even need to have regular communication in order to remain friends. Men can also have arguments, but I believe it is usually less passive-aggressive than women. Women, on the other hand, are not accustomed to having female friends for many years, which is why girls usually gossip more and some can be toxic which causes them to spread rumours more. Women usually have more drama, and they require more regular communication to maintain their friendships. Female friendships are not as prioritised in society, and this is based on a scientific standpoint. Therefore, I understood why it was difficult for me to maintain female friendships, in a time where I wanted mature friends who would understand that I also needed my own space at times.

Lastly, I also believe that people come into your life as a messenger or a mirror. This is very significant.

When someone comes into your life as a messenger, this means that they are trying to teach you a new lesson. Whether they stay in your life or leave, they will teach you something that will help you in the future and with your future friendships. For example, one previous toxic friend taught me to be firm in my beliefs and not be manipulated easily. They taught me that it is crucial for me to have my own opinions and not apologise for them. Today, I am so firm in my beliefs that it makes me a much more confident person.

When people come into your life as a mirror, it means that they may come to trigger you to work on past behaviours or heal more or simply learn more about who you are. For example, I have a current friend who is very academic just like me which is a positive trait. She aligned with my energy. However, she is not into going out to new places very much, and I realised that perhaps if I want to attract friends who like travelling, I need to travel more myself. This process of knowing more about yourself and your friends is so rewarding.

The more I walked away from the people who were toxic and/or who did not align with my energy, and the more I kept working on myself, the more these people were filtered out of my life. After that, I have only been moving up tiers and levelling up and making better friends. I don’t need friends as my sole source. It is okay not to have too many friends as they might not be at your level, especially in your teenage years. I have learned to solo travel and do many things alone. Friends are only a bonus in your life.

My key is to keep working on myself and always be the person I would want as my best friend.

So, have your friends been a messenger or a mirror? Did you also have toxic friendships in the past? Comment below.

With love,

Surobi

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Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!