I love reading self-help books because they uncover so many truths about life. Last year, I read the book ‘The Courage To Be Disliked’ and I remember just being astounded with every page that I read – it all seemed so true yet unspoken about. I truly loved this book, and it was good bearing in mind that it was a philosophy/psychology book (as a person who is not a huge fan of philosophy).
Here is a review:
What this book is about:
This book is based on a discussion between a philosopher and a young man. But, wait, before you sign out, I just want to mention that this conversation flows and is easy to understand. It is highly insightful and it is all about allowing the young man to change his way of thinking that has been holding him back. These lessons allow individuals to be free, and to develop the courage to change to achieve happiness. Life is simple.
The book is split up into five nights.
What it has taught me:
The First Night
Teleology states that when you have a goal, you create symptoms.
This may be subconscious. For example, in the book, there is a story of a man who cannot leave his room because he feels afraid. The real deep reason for why he doesn’t leave is because it is the only way he gets attention from his parents. The fear of leaving the room is a symptom he created.
Trauma does not exist.
We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to these past experiences.
People fabricate anger
You choose to be angry. For example, if you were having an argument with someone but then someone important e.g. the headteacher came, you can change your mood instantly and act nice towards the Headteacher. Anger was a choice.
‘No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live your life from now on.’
You can change now and don’t lack the courage to be happy.
The Second Night
Have interpersonal relationships that are horizontal not vertical (mentioned in fourth night)
Treat everyone equally and as comrades. Encouraging others can show a hierarchy so don’t praise or rebuke. This will stop feelings of inferiority or superiority and stop the power struggle.
There are three main tasks in your life.
These tasks are the tasks of work, friendship and love.
The Third Night
Freedom is when you have the courage to be disliked by others.
Do not live to satisfy the expectations of others. Don’t be afraid to be disliked by people.
Separation of tasks
Everyone has their own tasks and you should focus on yourself and on your own tasks. ‘Choose the best path that you believe in.’
The Fourth Night
The goal of interpersonal relationships is community feeling. Don’t be attached to yourself.
Have a community feeling around you. Attachment to self is when you focus on yourself and you are afraid of being judged. We are all connected to each other so you can be life’s protagonist.
To feel that you are worthy, be beneficial to the community.
You are irreplaceable and you do contribute to the community. You are important because if you disappeared, there would be at least one person in this world who would be upset by your loss.
‘People can be of use to someone else simply by being alive, and have a true sense of their worth just by being alive.’
Again, remember that we are all worthy due to our level of being.
The Fifth Night
‘Accept what is irreplaceable. Accept ‘this me’ just as it is. And have the courage to change what one can change.’
Self acceptance is key.
Have confidence and trust others.
Instead of having the mindset that you will be taken advantage of if you trust someone, trust the people who you want to have a good and close relationship with. If you don’t want to be friends, go ahead and cut that relationship off. At the end of the day, they choose to break your trust, but focus on your tasks and then cut off that bond if needed.
Workaholism is a life-lie.
You need to prioritise and balance all three tasks of life mentioned above.
‘To shine a spotlight on the here and now is to go about doing what one can do now, earnestly and conscientiously’.
You can enjoy the journey and have goals.
‘If I change, the world will change.’ ‘You should start.’
Get started with living a happy life, and have the courage to live a happy life. Life is simple.
What I like about this book:
This book had a few lessons I have never heard of. This made the book unique and interesting to read. The conversation made it easy to understand the ideas were constantly challenged by the young man, but also answered back.
The possible improvements to the book:
Some of the tips can get repetitive but I believe it is to reiterate and dispel any doubts of the book. The book is also quite formal so it may feel like you are reading an academic text, but to me, it was still quite fun to read.
My Rating: 5/5
This book is amazing for anyone! It is especially good for those people who have faced trauma or who want to find happiness in the simplest way possible! Even though I don’t agree with all the ideas in the book, I would recommend this book.
Where to buy the book from (not sponsored):
I hope you have enjoyed reading this article. This link is not sponsored. Comment down below whether you have read the book too. If you enjoyed this article, please check out my other articles too:
http://surobiscribbles.com/category/book-reviews/
Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!