Well, I am here to spill the tea on how to become that girl because I truly believe it is quite simple and if you really have the intention to be that girl and still end this summer on a great note, you can become that girl!

Note: the tips in this article can also be used for boys!

The Benefits of Being ‘That Girl’

The benefits of being ‘that girl’ is:

1. You live a more fulfilling life as you are embodying that high-value version of yourself that always makes you happy long term
2. You become more confident in yourself as you realise your potential and how you can do many things in one day.
3. You are considered to be more attractive as people wonder how you do it all.

The Ultimate Key To Become ‘That Girl’

The key is to have some habits and non-negotiable in your life but also allow some flexibility in your schedule.

Having Habits And Systems

Here is how it works: start with having a habit tracker, where you will write some non-negotiable habits in your life that you will do without fail. This ensures that you are prioritising yourself and you are not feeling too overwhelmed with your life with too much flow. This provides structure to your life. Examples of these habits include meditation, journaling or waking up early.

Having Flexibility

However, you also need to allow things to fit into your schedule which can change depending on the circumstances. The key is to follow your gut and make the right decision. If you have two hours free one evening, what would you do? Would you be like your lazy self just scrolling through social media? Or would you be like your high-value self and go out to a coffee shop and learn to be comfortable solo travelling?

Fill your schedule with more activities. This can include hobbies (I will be making an article about hobbies very soon), events and programmes (to meet new people and expand your knowledge) and even self-development/self-care (such as reading a book alone in a coffee shop). Always embody your high-value version of yourself.

Get Back Up

Some days, you will feel exhausted or feel negative emotions. You don’t need to be exhausted to be ‘that girl’, you can just keep following your gut. Love and accept your emotions but do not follow the negative emotions and do not do the actions that will not make you happy long term.

To be ‘that girl’, it takes consistency. Don’t sabotage yourself for things that you know are not true. If you fail to do a habit or you do end up being lazy, just forgive yourself. Learn from that mistake, get up and move on. Try your best not to make mistakes.

You Can Do It

Start today to be ‘that girl’ if you haven’t started already.

Share this article with anyone who is keen on improving themselves!

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Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

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By the mercy of God, all my doubts were dispelled. Based on all the research I did for the past two-three years, I realised three things. 

Number one is that I found my worth. Many teenagers and young people feel the need to fit in because they desire validation. Still, this validation is unhealthy because you are seeking stability from teenagers who aren’t even stable themselves. You should never be seeking validation from anyone anyways because you have to do what makes you happy long term. Once you find yourself valuable, you won’t make yourself small to fit in. Knowing that I am worthy all the time regardless of the situation and always doing what makes me happy long-term helped with picking the right friends who knew my value.

Number two is that female friendships can be quite tricky. Based on evolution, men were hunters millions of years ago, and because they went hunting as a pack, their genes are wired to work together well in groups, and many men don’t even need to have regular communication in order to remain friends. Men can also have arguments, but I believe it is usually less passive-aggressive than women. Women, on the other hand, are not accustomed to having female friends for many years, which is why girls usually gossip more and some can be toxic which causes them to spread rumours more. Women usually have more drama, and they require more regular communication to maintain their friendships. Female friendships are not as prioritised in society, and this is based on a scientific standpoint. Therefore, I understood why it was difficult for me to maintain female friendships, in a time where I wanted mature friends who would understand that I also needed my own space at times.

Lastly, I also believe that people come into your life as a messenger or a mirror. This is very significant. 

When someone comes into your life as a messenger, this means that they are trying to teach you a new lesson. Whether they stay in your life or leave, they will teach you something that will help you in the future and with your future friendships. For example, one previous toxic friend taught me to be firm in my beliefs and not be manipulated easily. They taught me that it is crucial for me to have my own opinions and not apologise for them. Today, I am so firm in my beliefs that it makes me a much more confident person.

When people come into your life as a mirror, it means that they may come to trigger you to work on past behaviours or heal more or simply learn more about who you are. For example, I have a current friend who is very academic just like me which is a positive trait. She aligned with my energy. However, she is not into going out to new places very much, and I realised that perhaps if I want to attract friends who like travelling, I need to travel more myself. This process of knowing more about yourself and your friends is so rewarding.

The more I walked away from the people who were toxic and/or who did not align with my energy, and the more I kept working on myself, the more these people were filtered out of my life. After that, I have only been moving up tiers and levelling up and making better friends. I don’t need friends as my sole source. It is okay not to have too many friends as they might not be at your level, especially in your teenage years. I have learned to solo travel and do many things alone. Friends are only a bonus in your life. 

My key is to keep working on myself and always be the person I would want as my best friend.

So, have your friends been a messenger or a mirror? Did you also have toxic friendships in the past? Comment below.

With love,

Surobi

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• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

ess self-help books or even hire therapists or coaches that will help with self-improvement. The world is your oyster when it comes to how many resources are available today. And sometimes it is just hard to choose what to pick and what to follow. 

Despite the endless resources, you may feel lost, confused or even not in control of your life. You keep feeling overwhelmed or sad. 

Here is one of the keys that can help you: change your perspective. Now, you may ask, do I have to be dishonest to myself and lie to myself that everything is fine when it’s not? No, changing your perspective means simply seeking more knowledge, following your gut and embodying the high-value version of yourself daily. You need to show up as the person who has the mindset that your most high-value version of yourself would. For example, right now, you might not be wealthy and I don’t want you going and spending money on that Gucci bag just because your high-value version of yourself would. The key is to adopt and embody the beliefs, mindset and habits of your wealthy self. Perhaps your wealthiest version of yourself would be investing money or thinking about how to buy the next real estate property. Think about the structure, steps and beliefs that you need. Don’t leave this huge gap between the person you are right now and the person you want to become. This is key to start living and being your high-value version of yourself.

To ensure you also do not rush and overwhelm yourself to leave room for flow, make sure you do everything at your own pace by following your gut. This will help to make sure you are doing everything for you and you always do what is best for you

You have the power to choose the perspectives and thoughts that are always honest with yourself. By changing your perspective by being honest to yourself always through seeking more knowledge, following your gut and embodying your high-value value version of yourself daily, you can live your best life.

Comment below one way you will implement this advice this week and let’s keep each other accountable!

 You can subscribe here to check out my blog whenever I publish: Get My Blog On Your Emails For Free

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

Alhamdulillah, I turned 18 years old on 19th July 2023. I honestly felt cool and like a grown-up with my responsibilities, which was very exciting! I am genuinely so grateful to Allah for being able to witness these eighteen years on this planet and I also want to share some of the wisdom that I learned in these eighteen years with you all!

So, in this article, I will share 6 of the 18 life lessons that I learned in 18 years of my life. These life lessons are based on self-development, self-love and becoming the best version of yourself. I hope that you benefit from this article, and let’s get started!

This is part 3 of this part 3 series. Check out part 1 here and part 2 here!  

If you can’t solve a problem within 24 hours, then you need to speak up within 48 hours.

Many people do not know when to speak up when they have problems. Some spend too long trying to fix their problems on their own and bottle up their emotions while others try to vent every problem they have. So here is a rule of thumb that may help you: unless it is an emergency, speak up only if you can’t fix the problem within 24 hours and speak to someone within 48 hours. 

By doing this you can build up your own problem-solving skills but at the same not bottle up your emotions and suffer with your problems.

Don’t compromise on your standards.

This is one you have to remind yourself constantly. And that is to never compromise on your standards and self-respect. Whether it is for your dream house or a partner, don’t think that your standards are too high. Of course, nothing is perfect in this world so you need to have at least three non-negotiables to ensure you are not compromising on your standards and hence your self-respect along the way. By having three non-negotiables, it ensures that you remember your worth and you don’t settle for less.

For those people who tell you that you are too picky or too difficult or too unrealistic, it is because of their scarcity mindset. Honour your three non-negotiables and stick to them as Allah finds you worthy and He wants to give you the best. People less qualified than you are also getting what you want.

Learn to love the bad days

When I was younger, I used to be harsh on myself whenever I would have a bad day. I would ask myself why I have bad days and thought it was abnormal to have bad days, or that everyone else is always happy. That is not true. Everyone has bad days, whether it is your teachers or whether it is your favourite celebrity. I have two things to help with this: 1. Love and accept your emotions but don’t follow your emotions

2. If you are feeling bad at night, you are probably just tired. 9 times out of 10, you will feel better when you get up the next morning. So try to have an early night.

Have the right support system (the 3-person rule)

I had to mention this one. And that is because so many young people are listening to whatever they can find. The truth is that I understand that Allah puts us all in different circumstances. Some of you may have been brought up with loving parents, while others are not so lucky and have been brought up with abusive parents. Some of you may have had parents that were loving but simply did not have enough time, while other parents had all the time but not the resources or the knowledge. So here is the 3 person rule: have someone who cares about you (preferably older and someone related to you who is similar in values to you), someone who is your role model and always look at someone who you don’t want to be like and don’t follow the wrong advice they give you. And of course, remember that you and Allah are also part of your support system.

Always do what makes you happy long term

This is the advice that we need to scream out, especially to young people: look at how your actions will affect you long term! Always think about your high-value version of yourself and embody your high-value version of yourself always. Would he/she be doing this action? If it is what your high-value version of yourself would do and if it makes you happy long term then do it. By doing this, you are not wrecking yourself down the line and suffering later. You can be happy long term by taking the right actions for the rest of your life.

Always follow your gut.

Your gut is a very powerful tool. Trust your gut always and don’t doubt your gut. If you doubt your gut, you are more likely to take the wrong decision. Always trust your gut fully when taking a decision. If a gut says yes to something, do that thing. This is because your gut gives you the best and the right decision for you based on all the knowledge you have. So many books and even Mufti Menk has talked about trusting your gut. 

So always follow your gut!

That was the third part of six of the eighteen lessons I learnt in eighteen years of my life. I hope that this article benefitted you in any way. Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

If you want to read the other 12 lessons of this series, check it out here and here.  You can subscribe here to check out my blog whenever I publish: Get My Blog On Your Emails For Free

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

Alhamdulillah, I turned 18 years old on 19th July 2023. I honestly felt cool and like a grown-up with my responsibilities, which was very exciting! I am genuinely so grateful to Allah for being able to witness these eighteen years on this planet and I also want to share some of the wisdom that I learned in these eighteen years with you all!

So, in this article, I will share 6 of the 18 life lessons that I learned in 18 years of my life. These life lessons are based on self-development, self-love and becoming the best version of yourself. I hope that you benefit from this article, and let’s get started!

This is part 2 of this part 3 series. Check out part 1 here.

Failure is inevitable. Then, try not to make mistakes.

Failure is going to happen. It is guaranteed. I remember hearing this piece of advice from a motivational video and it really resonated with me. Because I personally hate and detest failure. I hate the fact that I have to feel a mixture of feeling sorry for myself, feeling overwhelmed and also disappointed in myself. But the truth is that you can never avoid failure forever. And if you do, that means you are not trying anything new.

Now, I also do not want to romanticise making mistakes. Many people also are now falling into the trap of damaging themselves now but then trying to cure it later.

The key is to always follow your gut and always do what makes you happy long term. If you end up failing, being rejected or making a mistake, let yourself feel and process all the emotions. However, don’t follow these emotions and don’t let these emotions dictate your actions. You have to learn from your mistakes and then get back up. Then, try not to make mistakes.

Only do everything for you and Allah.

I have two references for this specific lesson. The first book is ‘The Courage To Be Disliked’, where the author discusses how many people tend to see the relationships in their life as ‘vertical’ and there is a hierarchical system. Many people want to impress the people above them, and unfortunately mistreat the people below them. However, you should instead perceive your relationships to be as ‘horizontal’ which means that you treat everyone equally. That way, you don’t feel the need to impress anyone and you can do everything for you. Regardless of who is with you, you are always embodied in your boundaries and values.

The second reference is from the book ‘Loving Yourself To Great Health’. The book states that the key to every problem in this world is to love yourself more. Many people suffer from a deficiency of self-love and hence, they try to fill that emptiness within themselves by seeking approval from others. However, this is a low-value trait, filled with highs and lows. 

If you want to live a peaceful life where you can regulate your emotions and you are doing what is best for you, always do everything for you and Allah. The best three ways to do this are: always follow your gut, always do what makes you happy long term and learn more about yourself and Allah.

Diversify your identity.

It is shocking how many people live in the digital age of social media and the Internet, yet they are still struggling to do what they love. I believe that every young person should have a hobby outside of school. Not only does this mean that you will have a break from school, but it also means that you are not solely relying on school for an income in the future or to form your whole identity. Your hobbies can be monetizable or even a simple addition to your identity that can turn you into a polymath.

You are worthy all the time regardless of the situation.

You are worthy. Full stop. There is no question. There are two main ways to always remind yourself of your worth. The first reason is that Allah decided to create you as a human with free will.

However, Allah finds you and me worthy which is why we are still living humans on this Earth. The fact that we are surviving means that He is not done with us. 

The second reason is that there are people less qualified than you who have this mindset that ‘I am worthy’ and who believe in themselves, that are achieving your goals. They are living their dreams simply because they are so firm in their high self-worth. You can cultivate this mindset of high self-worth too. We are all humans and therefore, we are all worthy.

There are two components to success.

Many people believe that success comes from only one thing, and that is hard work. This could not be further from the truth. True success comes from not one, but two things: hard work and luck/unfair advantages. Both luck and unfair advantages come from Allah. In other words, for whatever you desire in this world, whether it is good grades or your dream car, you have to work hard but also pray to God because He knows what is best for you.

The best way to remind yourself is this: there are many who have gotten all A*s, the best grades and exceeded all the entry requirements for their dream university, and yet could not get in. On the other hand, another candidate may have scraped the entry requirements but somehow still get into the university. That’s why you should never give up on your dreams and keep praying to Allah.

No one is coming to save you.

I said it. It is the harsh truth you need to know. You need to stop living in the victim mindset that someone is coming to save you. And if you do feel that you need someone to change you, you may need to heal. I know that it is easier when someone helps us, but you are the one who has to work on yourself.

Once you have tried fixing the problem but it hasn’t been solved, ask someone else and always seek help from Allah.

That was the second part of six of the eighteen lessons I learnt in eighteen years of my life. I hope that this article benefitted you in any way. Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

If you want to read the first six lessons of this series, check it out here. You can subscribe here to check out my blog whenever I publish: Get My Blog On Your Emails For Free and for part 3!

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

My Latest Posts:

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

Alhamdulillah, I turned 18 years old on 19th July 2023. I honestly felt cool and like a grown-up with my responsibilities, which was very exciting! I am genuinely so grateful to Allah for being able to witness these eighteen years on this planet and I also want to share some of the wisdom that I learned in these eighteen years with you all!

So, in this article, I will share 6 of the 18 life lessons that I learned in 18 years of my life. These life lessons are based on self-development, self-love and becoming the best version of yourself. I hope that you benefit from this article, and let’s get started!

Everything works out in the end

It is guaranteed that everything works out in the end. Proof? Think back to a situation where you had a huge problem that made you feel nervous, anxious or worried. Does that problem still exist? Probably not. Even if that problem exists, you learnt how to deal with it or you learned something new. I believe that everything will work out, whatever I am going through. Just keep doing what makes you happy long term.

Emotions are a part of the human experience. 

So many people go through life suppressing or escaping from their emotions. But emotions are a part of the human experience! Being sad or overjoyed are both completely valid emotions. But just remember that you can love and accept these emotions and not follow them. That is because emotional problems cannot be fixed with logic. Every emotion will pass eventually, whether it is happiness or anger. You can also tell yourself that ‘this emotion is very real, but it may not be true,’ to ensure that you don’t let your emotions affect you negatively or cause you to take actions that harm you down the line. 

Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. 

One of the most powerful things I have personally learnt in my life is the importance of boundaries. Boundaries are knowing the line so no one can get too close to you. I am sacred and therefore, no one deserves to get in my space unless I allow it. That is where boundaries come in because I know my worth and I won’t let anyone walk all over me. You need to think this highly of yourself because the truth is people do whatever they want because of themselves, but you have the power to put up with only what you want. I always embody my boundaries and values regardless of the situation.

Friends come into your life for a reason and usually for a season

I have had my fair share of friendships in my life, where there have been friends who have taught me valuable lessons. I strongly believe that you are the average of the 5 people you stay with so you have the choice of who you will let these five people be. If you cannot find those five people, it is better to be alone because your energy is precious. It is okay and best for you to let go of people who are not aligned with your energy. Check out how to be happy alone here. 

No matter what you do, there will always be someone who loves you and also someone who hates you.

This can be a comforting but also a harsh statement to read at the same time. But the good news is that you have control. You can choose to be that someone for you who loves you and live your life from a place of getting up again and again or you can choose to be clouded in negative thoughts. Regardless, people can trigger you but don’t be controlled by them. You have the power to choose to speak to yourself in a way that will make you happy long term. 

When it comes to others, there will always be some people who love you and some people who hate you, and that is based on their beliefs and their versions of their stories. As long as you are doing what makes you happy long term and remembering your purpose on this Earth, you are doing just fine.

Allah is sufficient for everyone.

Allah is truly sufficient for everyone. He is the only one you need. You can never be disappointed if you truly trust Allah, remember that He is always there for you and that He is the best of planners. He is the one who has kept you alive up till this point. Saying the statement ‘Hasbiyallahu la ilaha illalah’ brings me a lot of peace and ease. Remember, trust in yourself by working hard and also trust in Allah that He has your back.

That was the first part of six of the eighteen lessons I learnt in eighteen years of my life. I hope that this article benefitted you in any way. Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

Keep a look out on this blog for part 2 and part 3 with more amazing life lessons! You can subscribe here to check out my blog whenever I publish: Get My Blog On Your Emails For Free

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

My Latest Posts:

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

This is called a growth mindset.

Having a growth mindset is crucial all the time, whether you are starting a business, doing a hard degree or even in your personal life.

A growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset 

What is a fixed mindset? 

A fixed mindset is where you have black-and-white thinking. This is where if you have tried something once, that is it. That is your threshold of how much you can do. If you are currently a C-grade student, that is how you will stay as. You have no chance of improving.

What is a growth mindset and its benefits?

A growth mindset is where you are able to look at your past experiences and learn from them. You have faith that you will improve. If you got rejected from a job once, you have the resilience to learn from that rejection, try not to make mistakes again and apply to another job.

The key is that you should always give your best to have no regrets.

The main benefit of a growth mindset is that you become a more resilient and high-value person, who is more likely to achieve your dreams.

How do you know whether you should quit or continue due to a growth mindset?

You may have heard of the quotes:

‘Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results’

‘Quitting is for winners’

So, should you quit something that has not been working, for example, a new business idea or should you have the growth mindset and keep going?

The answer is to follow your gut. Your gut will tell you whether you should continue with this path or quit.

See past experiences and learn from them 

The first way to adopt a growth mindset is to realise that you have survived till now. You may have been through the worst rejection, yet you were still able to come out of it. For example, when you were applying to your dream job and you got rejected, it may have felt like the end of the world. Yet, now in your current job, you might realise that that rejection was a blessing in disguise. In your current job, you have more free time, less stress or perhaps a shorter commute. Perhaps, this job allowed you to grow more as an individual. Find those blessings and even if you feel like it wasn’t a blessing, remember that you have the pixel and Allah has the picture.

What is to come will be better than what has gone by

I have not made up this statement out of thin air. This is actually a Quranic verse (Chapter 93, Verse 4). Allah promises to us that what is coming will be better. This encourages us to have a positive outlook and keep a growth mindset because regardless of your past, the future is better. Also, I wanted to highlight that the Quranic verse does not say ‘what is to come will be what you expected’, because despite Allah loving us, He will not always give us what we want. 

Therefore, you need to have the faith that life is improving every day, get up and move on.

Ask what this experience is trying to teach you

Allah loves us all and He finds us worthy, which is why we are still here today. He is not answering your prayers or He has not rejected you because you are not good enough, there are other reasons. He knows those reasons. Your job is to not dwell on the past, and instead learn from those mistakes. 

Can you make improvements on your resume to reapply the second time? Perhaps you could ask feedback from your manager? If you don’t know how to improve, seek knowledge! Seek knowledge from the Quran, books, podcasts, YouTube videos and even blogs like this one! This will help build your confidence that you can handle anything that comes your way.

Again, learn from these mistakes, move on and try your best not to make mistakes.

Prioritise yourself when making a decision 

When you have undergone a low point of your life, you may not know what to do next. For any decision in your life, just follow your gut. Your gut is the internal voice and based on all the knowledge you have, it is the best decision that comes from you. Just trust your gut and follow what your gut says. 

Also, from the Islamic perspective, praying Istikhara is a really good option when it comes to making decisions as you seek help from Allah to make the right decision. 

Be your own best friend and have a good support system 

When you are going through a tough time, or you just feel stuck, it is really important to be compassionate to yourself and let yourself grieve over the rejection. It is absolutely okay to also have friends by your side who also help you  and who you can seek advice from. Again, make sure you are not taking any decisions that will harm you down the line. Only take decisions that will make you happy long term.

The bottom line:

A growth mindset is where you learn from your past mistakes and failures and are willing to improve. You move on and you try your best not to make mistakes.

That is all! I hope you have enjoyed reading this article and I hope that you benefitted from it! Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

The good news is that if you follow the tips that I will share with you today below, you can stop people pleasing and start living for yourself and Allah. The bad news is that it might be difficult at first and you have to keep yourself accountable.

First, let’s understand why many people engage in people-pleasing behavior.

The answer is simple. Most people please because it is what they have been taught and conditioned from childhood. During childhood, you may have been told to talk to people you don’t want to talk to or eat food you don’t want to eat. This is to please others, and this behaviour was sometimes rewarded.

The problem with this behaviour is that some people lost themselves and no longer have the limit of when to stop pleasing others. This makes them part of the majority and eventually become a doormat. Some people like being part of the majority, so if that is you, great job! You can continue your people-pleasing tendencies. But for me, I love being high value and prioritising myself is definitely high value.

What are the three disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

I will be using the example of you going to a party because you want to make your friend happy, rather than studying for your exam tomorrow.

1. You will not get your own needs met. Because you don’t study for your exams, your grades will drop and this goes against what makes you happy long term. This can make you feel bad about yourself, and perhaps even lose motivation to study.
2. You will attract people who are of the majority. If you are someone who is constantly giving out to others by neglecting yourself, you will attract people who can take advantage of that. This means you won’t have a friend circle who elevates you and vice versa, you will all remain the same. 
3. You will feel drained constantly. If you are saving others and putting on the oxygen masks for others before yourself, you will be the one to suffer. You will have less energy to work on yourself and this will limit your own success.

What is the key to striking a balance between being considerate of others and maintaining one’s own needs and boundaries?

If you are people-pleasing and giving to others while being empty yourself, you will not have enough to give to yourself and others, and that is a lose-lose situation.

Realise that by prioritising yourself, you are like a vase that is full of water. Once you overflow, it will pour out to others. This is a win-win situation.

It is actually more selfless to give to others after being whole first because you will be happy first and then have more to give to others.

So, here are the five tips on how to stop people pleasing:

Be aware of people-pleasing behaviours through journaling 

The first step is self-awareness. You have to be self-aware of how you are pleasing others or trying to get unhealthy validation from others. For example, if you are always waiting for your friend after school, despite knowing that you have so much work to do, ask yourself why you are doing it. If you feel the need to constantly people-please, you may also need to do some deep healing.

Getting approval from people is temporary and these highs and lows create an addiction. Instead, gain approval from Allah as that is permanent and will bring peace to your heart.

Have me-time daily to remind yourself that you are enough the way you are

Have me-time daily, whether it is 30 minutes or 1 hour to spend time alone. You can learn more self development tips, meditate, journal or go for a walk. Learning self development (e.g. from my blog posts) is key as most people are not doing this as they don’t have these resources or they are too lazy to follow them.

By having me-time, you remind yourself of your worth and realise that you can give yourself happiness. You don’t need validation from others by doing things that don’t make you happy long term to make you happy. People who align with your energy will come to you.

Have Boundaries 

Saying no to what doesn’t make you happy long term is the fastest way to eliminate all people-pleasing behaviors. You will have more time and energy and you can use that for better things that will make you happy long term.

Start setting boundaries with yourself and others.

Select your company wisely

Select friends who will elevate you and help you, rather than want to waste your time and energy. Exclusivity is high value and you need to only give your energy to those will help you and you can help in return.

Take opportunities 

If your current friend circle makes fun of you for wanting to start your own business, when you know in your gut that this business is right for you, then reconsider your friends. Follow your gut on the opportunities you should take.

Again, this will eliminate the friends who don’t want to support you and you may end up meeting better friends along the way.

The bottom line:

Remember it is selfish to not show up every day for yourself and then to help others, and the only way you can show up daily is by prioritising yourself. Only do what makes you happy long term.

That is all! I hope you have enjoyed reading this article and I hope that you benefitted from it! Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

I understand. I used to be that girl. I used to compare myself to others and maybe even feel jealous of others’ successes. But not anymore. I stopped comparing myself to others using the tips below. 

I am saving you thousands of dollars by telling you the ten tips that I used to stop this toxic behaviour. Are you ready to stop comparing yourself to others?

Firstly, why do we compare ourselves to others?

The answer is simple. It is due to how the brains of primitive species are wired as well as what society keeps telling us. Society benefits by not feeling like you are enough. That is why the makeup industry exists, for example. Insecure women can buy makeup and this will benefit the economy. 

By feeding into this toxic behaviour of comparison, you are benefiting the economy by trying to chase more. Do you want to live life constantly feeling like you are not enough? If not, then stop comparing yourself to others.

Another reason is that our brains, which are wired for survival and problem-solving, tell us that we need to have the best selective advantage to survive. Heard of ‘survival of the fittest’ in Biology? Yes, so you think by comparing yourself to others and trying to become better, you are more likely to survive. When in reality, you no longer need to compete with others to survive. You just need to compete with yourself. 

Here are the ten tips you must implement:

Choose the second thought

The first habit to stop comparing yourself to others is to choose the second thought. Realise that your problem-solving brain is used to giving your thoughts and these thoughts create feelings. If your brain says ‘oh, Sara makes so much more money than me, so she is so much more intelligent than me,’ you don’t have to react to this thought. You can choose to tell yourself something more honest and kinder to yourself such as ‘yes, she may make more money than me but I am learning and I have my own timeline.’ This takes practice and consistency, but it surely helps.

Life is subjective and depends on your perspective

Many people compare themselves to others based on external factors such as looks and weight. These things are completely subjective, which depends on your perspective. Someone who you may see as unattractive is to someone else a very good-looking person and vice versa. It is about your perspective – do you really want to live your life calling yourself ugly or incapable?

Know your worth and have unconditional self-love 

The saddest thing is when people less qualified than you, who perhaps have half the knowledge that you have are getting what you want in life purely due to believing and loving themselves. You need to know your worth and start loving yourself. This is because we are worthy all the time regardless of the situation and once you know this, you won’t feel unworthy when you are around anyone.

You only have the pixel

Whether you are comparing yourself to that girl on social media or even to your own sister who you have lived with your whole life, you have no right to compare yourself with them. Why? Because you only have a pixel of their lives. You will never know all their weaknesses, struggles and problems they face daily because you have never stepped in their shoes. And trust me, you will never want their problems because everything you face is given by Allah and unique to what your soul can bear.

You don’t know what was taken away from them

The next time you feel jealous of anyone, here is what you should do: realise that you don’t know what was taken away from them. If someone got into your dream university, you don’t know how many extra hours they spent studying in their room to get to that place. Perhaps, that person had to be with a single parent. If someone got their dream partner, you don’t know how many people they needed to meet or how many years they were looking for marriage before they found their spouse. Whatever was taken away from them may be a blessing for you.

See your strengths (but don’t attach yourself to other things)

It is very important to step back once in a while and acknowledge all your strengths. We are constantly told to keep improving but improvement can only occur with self-acceptance. Write a list of your strengths and things that make you stand out. For example, for me, it is that I have a blog where I can help people and document my experiences. However, do not attach to these external things because you shouldn’t attach your worth to anything external.

Allah has decided to create you as a human and He is not done with you

You have two great blessings. Firstly, Allah has decided to create you a human when He could have created you as a snake, ant or even a rock. He decided to create you a human because He sees you as worthy and gave you free will. Secondly, the fact that you are still breathing means that Allah is not done with you. Isn’t that so refreshing? Allah is giving you opportunities to keep going.

You are only competing with yourself 

The only person you are competing with is yourself. And that is because you only know yourself. You know all the struggles you have endured. You have been with yourself through thick and thin. You are your own best friend. So, you should only be focused on how you will become a better friend to yourself daily and how you can improve.

Ask yourself – how can I give myself that thing I am desiring?

Don’t think that Allah has scarce resources. When you are jealous of someone, identify what it is that you are desiring. For instance, if you are jealous of that person’s clear skin, acknowledge and then ask yourself – how can I be more confident in my skin? How can I alter my skincare routine to get clearer skin? Allah can help you achieve what you want. 

Trust that God has a unique timeline for you

I know that it is not always possible to have a quick fix and that is when you have to trust Allah’s timing. If you are seeing other teenagers your age earning money and you can’t find a job, then you have to keep working hard in the best you can in your situation, and then keep faith in Allah. Allah loves those who have faith in Him so don’t give up! Indeed, what is to come will be better than what has gone by.

The bottom line:

When you accept yourself by knowing your worth, love yourself the way you are and keep improving yourself, you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone and the right people will also accept you the way you are based on their perspectives. 

That is all! I hope you have enjoyed reading this article and I hope you benefitted from it! Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

Take a deep breath. Relax. Remember that you have people in this world to support you and who will give you help to figure out who you are. You are not alone. 

Now the question is: who do I trust? Do I trust my family? My friends? Or my counsellor? Don’t worry, I will help you out to find who to trust. 

The first thing is to see if that person understands your life goals. The goals that will actually make you happy long term and is sustainable. You want this person to be someone who tries to understand what you want to achieve. And sometimes, it is okay if they may want something different from you. Listen to their advice, understand their views, and then remember that you have the ultimate yes or no. 

If you are looking for who to trust, here is a harsh truth: majority of the times, it is not going to be people within school, like your friends. Because chances are, they are the same age as you and they themselves are still developing. You need someone who will not spread rumours about you. You need someone who doesn’t love drama. You need someone who will help you level up and tell you the mistakes they did so you don’t need to go through them. This is why having a mentor who is older than you is a wise decision – they sometimes just want to give you advice.

Of course, empathy is a huge one when looking for someone to trust. You don’t want that person to really judge you. But with that being said, many teenagers confuse manipulation with empathy. They think that if their friend is saying statements such as ‘I feel sorry for you,’ then they are automatically your best friend when little do you know that they are going to use this against you. Empathy is when that person asks you insightful questions so you can get closer to yourself and is also ready to give you tough love and constructive criticism when needed. 

And the last but definitely one of the most important ways to see if someone is trust worthy is if they have similar values and boundaries to you. That way, they can actually give you advice customised to you. For example, suppose you are a religious Muslim and you practise your faith strongly but you want to start posting Ed Sheeran covers on YouTube. Someone who is not Muslim may push you to do this because their values and yours are not the same. On the other hand, a Muslim friend or someone who understands your values and your journey may advise you to sing nasheeds to fulfil your religion and your love of singing. 

Now here comes the disclaimer: you will never find someone who is perfect and who fulfills all the criteria above. And it does not mean that you cannot befriend anyone who doesn’t fit the criteria above. For example, I don’t consume alcohol but I have non Muslim friends who are okay with alcohol. The key is to:

a) trust your gut on who you are trusting – once you trust yourself enough to go through emotions, you can learn to trust others

b) never get attached to anyone because you have the ultimate power and choice on what to follow. For example, even though I trust my sister, there are some things we may disagree on and that is okay. 

I hope that this has cleared up and helped you to follow guidelines on who to trust. Remember that you are never alone and there are over 7 billion people in this world – there will be someone for you for sure. And of course, Allah is always here for us. 

Trust me – I want to add value to your life and help you level up.

With love,

Surobi

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know