The good news is that if you follow the tips that I will share with you today below, you can stop people pleasing and start living for yourself and Allah. The bad news is that it might be difficult at first and you have to keep yourself accountable.

First, let’s understand why many people engage in people-pleasing behavior.

The answer is simple. Most people please because it is what they have been taught and conditioned from childhood. During childhood, you may have been told to talk to people you don’t want to talk to or eat food you don’t want to eat. This is to please others, and this behaviour was sometimes rewarded.

The problem with this behaviour is that some people lost themselves and no longer have the limit of when to stop pleasing others. This makes them part of the majority and eventually become a doormat. Some people like being part of the majority, so if that is you, great job! You can continue your people-pleasing tendencies. But for me, I love being high value and prioritising myself is definitely high value.

What are the three disadvantages of being a people pleaser?

I will be using the example of you going to a party because you want to make your friend happy, rather than studying for your exam tomorrow.

1. You will not get your own needs met. Because you don’t study for your exams, your grades will drop and this goes against what makes you happy long term. This can make you feel bad about yourself, and perhaps even lose motivation to study.
2. You will attract people who are of the majority. If you are someone who is constantly giving out to others by neglecting yourself, you will attract people who can take advantage of that. This means you won’t have a friend circle who elevates you and vice versa, you will all remain the same. 
3. You will feel drained constantly. If you are saving others and putting on the oxygen masks for others before yourself, you will be the one to suffer. You will have less energy to work on yourself and this will limit your own success.

What is the key to striking a balance between being considerate of others and maintaining one’s own needs and boundaries?

If you are people-pleasing and giving to others while being empty yourself, you will not have enough to give to yourself and others, and that is a lose-lose situation.

Realise that by prioritising yourself, you are like a vase that is full of water. Once you overflow, it will pour out to others. This is a win-win situation.

It is actually more selfless to give to others after being whole first because you will be happy first and then have more to give to others.

So, here are the five tips on how to stop people pleasing:

Be aware of people-pleasing behaviours through journaling 

The first step is self-awareness. You have to be self-aware of how you are pleasing others or trying to get unhealthy validation from others. For example, if you are always waiting for your friend after school, despite knowing that you have so much work to do, ask yourself why you are doing it. If you feel the need to constantly people-please, you may also need to do some deep healing.

Getting approval from people is temporary and these highs and lows create an addiction. Instead, gain approval from Allah as that is permanent and will bring peace to your heart.

Have me-time daily to remind yourself that you are enough the way you are

Have me-time daily, whether it is 30 minutes or 1 hour to spend time alone. You can learn more self development tips, meditate, journal or go for a walk. Learning self development (e.g. from my blog posts) is key as most people are not doing this as they don’t have these resources or they are too lazy to follow them.

By having me-time, you remind yourself of your worth and realise that you can give yourself happiness. You don’t need validation from others by doing things that don’t make you happy long term to make you happy. People who align with your energy will come to you.

Have Boundaries 

Saying no to what doesn’t make you happy long term is the fastest way to eliminate all people-pleasing behaviors. You will have more time and energy and you can use that for better things that will make you happy long term.

Start setting boundaries with yourself and others.

Select your company wisely

Select friends who will elevate you and help you, rather than want to waste your time and energy. Exclusivity is high value and you need to only give your energy to those will help you and you can help in return.

Take opportunities 

If your current friend circle makes fun of you for wanting to start your own business, when you know in your gut that this business is right for you, then reconsider your friends. Follow your gut on the opportunities you should take.

Again, this will eliminate the friends who don’t want to support you and you may end up meeting better friends along the way.

The bottom line:

Remember it is selfish to not show up every day for yourself and then to help others, and the only way you can show up daily is by prioritising yourself. Only do what makes you happy long term.

That is all! I hope you have enjoyed reading this article and I hope that you benefitted from it! Please share this article with others, because what you share with the world comes back around to you!

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

P.S I would really appreciate it if you followed on me on my Medium blog and also on my TikTok account.

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