By the mercy of God, all my doubts were dispelled. Based on all the research I did for the past two-three years, I realised three things. 

Number one is that I found my worth. Many teenagers and young people feel the need to fit in because they desire validation. Still, this validation is unhealthy because you are seeking stability from teenagers who aren’t even stable themselves. You should never be seeking validation from anyone anyways because you have to do what makes you happy long term. Once you find yourself valuable, you won’t make yourself small to fit in. Knowing that I am worthy all the time regardless of the situation and always doing what makes me happy long-term helped with picking the right friends who knew my value.

Number two is that female friendships can be quite tricky. Based on evolution, men were hunters millions of years ago, and because they went hunting as a pack, their genes are wired to work together well in groups, and many men don’t even need to have regular communication in order to remain friends. Men can also have arguments, but I believe it is usually less passive-aggressive than women. Women, on the other hand, are not accustomed to having female friends for many years, which is why girls usually gossip more and some can be toxic which causes them to spread rumours more. Women usually have more drama, and they require more regular communication to maintain their friendships. Female friendships are not as prioritised in society, and this is based on a scientific standpoint. Therefore, I understood why it was difficult for me to maintain female friendships, in a time where I wanted mature friends who would understand that I also needed my own space at times.

Lastly, I also believe that people come into your life as a messenger or a mirror. This is very significant. 

When someone comes into your life as a messenger, this means that they are trying to teach you a new lesson. Whether they stay in your life or leave, they will teach you something that will help you in the future and with your future friendships. For example, one previous toxic friend taught me to be firm in my beliefs and not be manipulated easily. They taught me that it is crucial for me to have my own opinions and not apologise for them. Today, I am so firm in my beliefs that it makes me a much more confident person.

When people come into your life as a mirror, it means that they may come to trigger you to work on past behaviours or heal more or simply learn more about who you are. For example, I have a current friend who is very academic just like me which is a positive trait. She aligned with my energy. However, she is not into going out to new places very much, and I realised that perhaps if I want to attract friends who like travelling, I need to travel more myself. This process of knowing more about yourself and your friends is so rewarding.

The more I walked away from the people who were toxic and/or who did not align with my energy, and the more I kept working on myself, the more these people were filtered out of my life. After that, I have only been moving up tiers and levelling up and making better friends. I don’t need friends as my sole source. It is okay not to have too many friends as they might not be at your level, especially in your teenage years. I have learned to solo travel and do many things alone. Friends are only a bonus in your life. 

My key is to keep working on myself and always be the person I would want as my best friend.

So, have your friends been a messenger or a mirror? Did you also have toxic friendships in the past? Comment below.

With love,

Surobi

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Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

This is the first article I will be making in this series. And that is all about…FRIENDSHIPS! Making friends, especially in a new big school in Year 7, can be quite tough. It is also really important to make a good group of friends who will support and look out for you because one of the biggest influences of you growing up is the company you stay with. So here are my 10 tips that helped me to make good friends:

1. Don’t be afraid to speak up.

When starting school, you may meet many new faces and everyone may be shy. Don’t be afraid to be the first person to initiate a conversation with anyone. That person will thank you for it because otherwise they would have had to make the first move which can be difficult.

2. Know your boundaries.

This is so important! When I went through my first toxic friendship in Year 7, I realised the importance of speaking up. If you ever feel uncomfortable, whether it’s because your friends are cracking an offensive joke, or even if they are forcing you to go out, learn to speak up and tell them. You have control over your life!

3. Be kind and be yourself.

We all change throughout secondary school. But don’t let these changes be dictated by your friends. Be your authentic self because if you accept yourself the way you are, the right people will accept you too and you will end up having a great time. Also, kindness melts anyone’s heart, so be kind and if people don’t like that, they are not meant for you.

4. Don’t share everything with your friends.

This may be the most important tip! One of the biggest regrets of many teenagers (especially girls), is that they shared their deepest darkest secrets to their best friends and the next second, it is the latest gossip for the whole school. Even if it is your best friend in school, I still recommend keeping some things private because you can never predict what will happen. You may save yourself from a lot of embarrassment and unnecessary drama. 

5. It is okay to change friends.

When I was in Year 7, I had this misconception that the friends I would make in Year 7 would stay with me throughout the whole 5 years. Little did I know that I would end up going through a toxic friendship, move schools and make a whole new set of friends in another borough! It is okay to think like this but also if you feel that your friends are not making you feel good, it is okay to change them!

6. Learn to be independent.

Many people are also afraid of staying by themselves in the playground, as they are deemed to be lonely. Let me tell you loud and clear: staying by yourself does NOT make you lonely. It teaches you independence sometimes. You don’t need to force yourself to be glued to your friends and it is okay to sometimes study/stay by yourself.

7. Meet friends outside of school safely.

As you grow older, you may be allowed by your parents to go out with your friends. I have a group chat with my friends and we sometimes arrange trips together and then we have a girls’ day out! Obviously, remember to tell your parents before going out with your friends, and stay safe!

8. Never text secrets or beef by text.

This is yet another important one. People screenshotting texts and sending them to others is totally a thing. So if you do have something private to tell someone or you have to resolve an argument, do it in person.

9. Have common interests.

Common interests are a great way to connect with people. If you are struggling to make friends, common interests are the way to start a conversation. And if you and your friend have no common interests, your school and subjects you study are of common interest! Talk about them.

10. Make friends from different places.

You don’t need to restrict yourself to only making friends in school…you can also make friends in your local community, your parents’ friends’ children, in clubs and extracurriculars or even your neighbours!

That was my article about friendships! I hope you have enjoyed this article! Remember that you will be fine and it is both okay to have friends and to also not have any friends at all!

Please share this article with anyone you know who goes to secondary school. And look out for the next article on this series. You can stay updated by subscribing to my weekly newsletter for free. 

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!

• My 2023 Reflections As A Medical Student 
• My First Term of Medical School | Exams, Essays and Events 
• My First Month of Medical School | Moving Out, Freshers And Workload
• The Ultimate Guide To Ace Year 12 | Revision, Friendships And Supercurriculars
• How I Got All A*s At GCSEs | 10 Tips Every Year 11 Student Should Know

So, in today’s article, I will be sharing a few tips on how to meet new people and make your best friends this year. There is no direct answer to this and these tips are not guaranteed so take these tips to a pinch of salt. But some of these tips worked for me when I moved schools back in Year 8.

Let’s get started:

Firstly, figure out which institutions you can make friends from.

School is not the only place you can make friends. You can make friends in extracurricular activities, online and also in the workplace. Try to find which are applicable to you. For example, if you attend a regular ballet class, try to make new friends from there this year.

Have a few conversation starters up your sleeve. 

If you are shy, introverted or you just want to know how to converse with someone, then make sure that you have a few conversation starters. Here are a few:

• Smile
• Introduce yourself
• Be yourself 
• Compliment them
• Try to find a similar interest e.g. if you see someone wearing a BTS t-shirt and you like BTS, then tell them you like it too and then talk to them about it
• Keep regular eye contact
• Adapt to others’ personalities (different people act a certain way)
• Ask a question about the topic or class you are in
• Keep the conversations going

Make sure not to overdo any of these. However, if you realise that the person you are talking to is not very interested, uncomfortable, or tries to move away, then chances are that they are not for you. 

Know your standards and what the characteristics are of a bad friend.

Sometimes, if you are new to making friends, you may not realise that people could trip you up. This is not always the case but just lookout for these signs.

• Making you feel uncomfortable (peer pressure or doing things you don’t like)
• Bullying you or making you feel bad about yourself
• Giving you fake promises with no justification 
• Tries to leave you out (especially in times of hardship) or refuses to be your friend

Again, don’t just judge a person if they only do any of these signs once or twice. Ensure that they have done these a couple of times and you then know that they are not for you.

After you feel like you are getting along with someone, know what to do next.

Take things slowly but if you, for example, if you are in a secondary school like me and you have a phone, possibly ask your parents if you can give them your phone number. This way, you can talk outside of school and keep in touch with them regularly. Some friends can be there to help you with your homework, while others may be there for you to go out. It is your choice of what you want to do. 

If you do go out with any of your friends, do tell your parents in advance for your safety and security especially if you are just a child or teenager.

Those were my tips on how to make good friends and possibly even meeting your best friends this year. Do not feel afraid to put yourself out there, however hard it may be.  Everyone is different and some people will like you and some won’t so just move on if needed.

Even if you are shy, don’t be afraid as they are just people like you. 

For more tips on how to make good friends, check out my podcast linktr.ee/TheChatLibrary, available in over 5 podcast platforms. 

These were my tips. Make sure to surf through my website for more information: http://surobiscribbles.com/category/advice/.

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!