Daring Greatly Book Review / Is Being Vulnerable Attractive?

Nowadays, if you are too vulnerable you are seen to be dramatic and a big attention seeker. But some might say you are being authentic. And if you are not vulnerable enough, you can block your dreams and find it harder to create lasting relationships. Perhaps the book ‘Daring Greatly’ is the key to teach us the balance and the power of vulnerability, and I will be sharing my review on this book.

Disclaimer: As always, pick what advice best fits and suits you. You choose what to believe in. I also picked the advice that I wanted to believe in!

What this book is about:

This book really encompasses the ideas behind the vulnerability that one feels when dealing with change. Brene discusses how many people develop shame for being vulnerable and how vulnerability can actually be a good thing.

What it has taught me:

Vulnerability is an emotion that one faces when they are in fear and opening themselves to disappointment or anger.

Vulnerability can be so many things, for example being a beginner at something. To become vulnerable, you need to be able to identify what is stopping you from being vulnerable and share our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Then, you can know yourself and be able to articulate your boundaries to anyone.

There are ten guideposts to Wholehearted Living (engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness/ facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, and knowing that I am enough)

This is a brilliant list and some of the guideposts include cultivating gratitude and cultivating calm and stillness in order to be able to live through Wholehearted Living.

Scarcity is a problem of this world.

The world, including social media and consumerism, makes one believe that they are not enough because they don’t have enough things. This creates scarcity and that’s why a lot of people are not confident and cannot be vulnerable. Give up this scarcity mindset to be more successful. Examples of beating scarcity nclude learning new things, exercising in public or getting fired.

Think of friendships as marble jars

Being vulnerable builds trust and you can only be vulnerable with someone when you trust them. When you befriend someone, be cautious and start slowly with what you tell them. If they portray that they are trustworthy, add marbles to their jar and you can be more vulnerable. If they are not trust worthy, you can stop being vulnerable with them.

Shame is a common emotion (the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.)

Guilt – I did bad

Shame – I am bad

Embarrassment – something too common but you are not alone/the only one who has faced this so it will pass

Guilt is positive while shame is destructive

Many also have a victim or Viking mindset. To fix this issue, develop shame resilience. We judge people in areas that we are vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than what we are doing, so be aware of what you judging others on. Worthiness is my birth right and you have to remember this to develop shame resilience.

A woman’s weakness is motherhood and a man’s weakness is to be perceived as weak.

One of the studies that Brene discusses in the book is the study on the weaknesses of men and women. The top weakness for both men and women is looks. After looks, the second weakness for women is motherhood and whether they can be good mothers. This is because of the stereotypes that women are told from a young age. For men, the second weakness is to be perceived as weak. As women, we should allow men to express themselves but also keep our own boundaries.

Foreboding joy, perfectionism and numbing are the three armors of vulnerability.

Many people try to stop feeling vulnerable by using these three armours.

To fix this:

Gratitude is the antidote of foreboding joy (the feeling that everything is too good to be true)

Own your stories and be able to talk about your failures to beat perfectionism (the feeling that you need to be perfect).

Feel your feelings to avoid numbing your emotions.

Leaders find potential in processes and people.

Leaders are important and they are those who are vulnerable enough to take responsibility for the team and have faith that there is always potential, hope and strategy for a team to succeed.

Be the parent you want your children to be.

For all the prospective parents out there, the best way to parent your child is to implement whatever you are trying to teach them. For example, Brene says in the book:

I do want to live by my values and it’s okay to be imperfect and make mistakes in this house. We just need to make it right when we can.

What I like about this book:

This book distilled a lot of evidence and research behind each point which was very insightful and made the book interesting and unique. Also, it contained some unique ideas, such as the fact that everyone has felt shame before in their lives.

What I dislike about this book:

It was quite a long book and I believe it was due to the in-depth explanation behind each case study and survey so perhaps that could be shortened. Also the book swayed into different directions later on, such as parenting. However, overall, it was an uncommon book to read.

My Rating: 4/5

This book is one for anyone to read because everyone wants to achieve goals, but you have to dare greatly to achieve these goals. So therefore, I feel that everyone should read this book! I also found it easy to read and it flowed quite well so hopefully it will not be a hard read for anyone.

Where to buy the book from (not sponsored):

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Leadby Brené Brown

I hope you have enjoyed reading this article. This link is not sponsored. Comment down below if you have read the book too. If you enjoyed this article, please check out my other articles too:

Thank you for reading, and have a lovely day!